As a confident non-drinker you will have so much more rewarding relationships, you will enjoy better health, you will be calmer than you could have imagined, and you will be more capable and able to deal with the challenges in life in your sober future.
You will be able to go out in the evenings without ever having to worry about how you’re getting home. You will remember every moment of your life in crystal clear fashion.
What I did when I stopped drinking!
When I stopped drinking, I treated myself to a motorbike licence and a motorbike, something that I always wanted but never quite got round to doing. My new hobby has introduced me to wonderful people who have now become lifelong friends. Together we enjoy adventures and social evenings, and I have travelled with my partner across Europe on my 1000cc motorbike.
There are things waiting for you in your future without alcohol that you will not even be able to imagine.
There are real relationships that don’t revolve around alcohol, and the relationships you have will be so much stronger.
The relationship that will outshine all others in your life of sobriety will be the relationship you have with yourself. You will walk through your life as a conscious and competent non-drinker, fully aware of the con trick that you have outsmarted and freed yourself from. You will live a life that is bright and vivid in colour and experience.
Living Sober… What does a sober life look like?
With alcohol out of your life you can begin to focus wholeheartedly on the motivations that drive you to live a fulfilled and fulfilling life. Alcohol will no longer be fighting and vying for position in your survival needs, because your survival needs will be met through the food and drinks that nourish you.
Your security needs will be met through the work that you are able to apply yourself to, and the home that you are able to provide. In times of difficulty when your survival or security needs may be challenged you can now be confident that you are managing those from a position of power, where you can bring the best of everything that is you to those situations with full consciousness and capability.
You will not be facing any future challenges with an internal war battling inside your head between your subconscious and your conscious minds.
You will not be facing life and its challenges in a constant state of withdrawal from a drug because you will not be living in a state of addiction. Even as you approach life’s challenges you will still have a freedom that you can wake up every day being proud of and grateful for.
The freedom that you have earned yourself will help you to fulfil greater motivations beyond survival and security. I hope that you go on to fulfil the potential of your life and thrive in every possible aspect, and that you contribute to society in a way that brings you wellbeing and joy. Your life of sobriety will be one lived where the values that matter to you and the person that you want to be are in complete alignment.
Don’t fall for the alcohol con!
Many of the women who fall victim to the alcohol con trick are those that most break the stereotypical view of ‘an alcoholic’. There are millions of women living with alcohol addiction who are well-educated university and college graduates. These people are often leaders in our society. The alcohol con does not care who you are, and well-educated successful women are more likely to have the social networks and the financial means to give the alcohol addiction a good run for its money. Lawyers, doctors, politicians, accountants, nurses, teachers, engineers and scientists, dentists, entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs are all as likely to fall into the alcohol trap as anybody else.
How do you outsmart the alcohol con?
Outsmarting alcohol is about exposing the con and encouraging you to learn about alcohol and addiction long before you lose everything that you value, and your life falls apart. But even if you have hit the rock at the bottom there is still hope, and there is still time to get out.
Explaining the calm that comes after the storm of alcohol addiction is difficult, because it is only through experiencing it that you will truly feel the difference in your life.
There will be worries and concerns in life, but you will be approaching them from a position of calm rather than from a position of agitation. This gives you a buffer zone, in which many of the small worries in life will be accommodated, and you won’t have the same feelings of stress and agitation in the face of them that you would have had before.
Enjoy your bright sober weekend mornings
A completely unexpected pleasure of removing the wine o’clock hours and weekend binges from my life was my wonderful crystal-clear mornings. I told you previously that when I was drinking, I generally thought that I was an evening person, but I was a drunk evening person and a hungover morning person most of the time. I now wake up and am alert straight away in the mornings, and practice yoga or run to the beach or spend a precious morning hour doing other things that add value to my life. I love my mornings, and I am confident that you will too.
What are some of the benefits of a sober future?
When you walk away from the con artist you will benefit in other ways too. You will have better sleep, more energy, clarity of thinking, clearer skin, more hydration in your body, increased mental focus, better digestion, increased absorption of vitamins and minerals, weight loss due to less caloric intake, reduced risk of heart disease or breast cancer, a better immune system, and improved memory function. That’s a lot of benefits!
You will become a bright Social butterfly!
The situations that often cause women most concern when they are considering stopping drinking alcohol are the social occasions in life, such as parties, weddings, holidays, after-work drinks, and meeting friends in a bar. Alcohol, after all, is the only drug that you have to justify not taking.
When I stopped drinking alcohol, I had different reactions from different people. There were the people who rudely and loudly laughed away my sobriety, those who shuffled their feet not knowing where to look, and those who poured themselves an extra-large glass of wine. All of those people were themselves caught in the alcohol trap and were struggling with denial. When you experience these reactions yourself, you will know what is underpinning them.
Then there were people full of admiration, like I was some superwoman blessed with strange and mystic powers. These people were baffled because they could not imagine ever being able to live without wine in their lives. They too were caught up in the con.
Then there were people who found me at a quiet moment and asked me if I thought they had a problem with alcohol, and who were worried. They too were caught up in the con, living a secret double life.
Everyone who drinks alcohol on any regular basis is caught. Some people know it, and some people are still frozen in a state of unknowing, but alcohol is addictive, and people get addicted to addictive substances.
Social situations often cause people some anxiety.
This is normal, and even beneficial, because we’re a social species and we want to be liked and to fit in. One way to guarantee not to be sociable and likeable is to get blind drunk, insult everybody and fall over. At the time, in your drug-induced state, you may feel like you’re the most hilarious person on the planet, but you’re not. You’re being an arse and embarrassing yourself. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, or how well spoken you are. A slurring drunken mess is always a slurring drunker mess. I know, I was one!
In the social situations you will find yourself in, many of the drinkers will be envious of you, because you have walked away from a con that they suspect that they too have fallen for, but they don’t think they can leave.
You will find that you are quietly admired by people, and you can certainly feel proud of yourself.
What is socialising when sober like?
When you socialise sober you are fully conscious of what you are saying and doing. You are an interested and compassionate listener, rather than an over-zealous, gabbling talker. Being truly present and interested in people and your surroundings is a gift. You don’t need to be drugged to be with other human beings and have a good time.
You will learn the joy of not being preoccupied with where the next drink is coming from, and instead giving your attention to where you are and who you are with. We are designed to socialise, and when we do the neurotransmitter, oxytocin is naturally released to make us feel bonded and close to people. That makes us feel good and it is all we need!
Just watch drinkers around you relax when they get a glass in their hands and remember that you don’t feel their level of stress or urgency to get the drug in your hands. Drinkers drink to feel normal, but never get there, whereas you are always in that place. Enjoy it.
After a couple of drinks, the alcohol starts to shut down parts of the drinkers’ brains, and after a couple more they start to slur, repeat themselves and get sensitive and argumentative.
If you are at a boring party or social event, then as a non-drinker you may quite rightly feel bored, but if it’s a great event, or a bar with a lovely atmosphere, then finding yourself in a crowd full of people who are inebriated is liberating. So do what you want, because the only person who will remember with crystal clarity is you! Let your hair down and dance like no one will remember watching you. If you want to, be frivolous and carefree.
Without alcohol, everything that you do when you’re out socially is a conscious decision, and you know that you can stand by it the next day. It’s an unfortunate truth that the same cannot be said of the people in the corner of the bar downing vodka and tonics.
How to deal with feeling awkward at events?
If, after celebrating your escape from the con, you continue to find social events awkward for a while then the best way to resolve this is to practice kindness and compassion to yourself. If you have spent many years having a swift glass or two of wine before attending a social event to help you overcome social anxiety, then your coping mechanisms will take some time to strengthen because you’ve not needed them before. You’ll soon adapt and will be stronger for it.
Be kind to yourself and take baby steps. Spend some time at these events just quietly observing what you see around you, relax and listen. Remember that when you were a drinker you may have thought you were the life and soul of the party, and that is exactly what the drinkers around you think they are now. Just watch the life and souls of the party getting slowly more drunk, as you sit there becoming more self-assured. Every time you go into a social event as a non-drinker your confidence and your capabilities will be growing, as you learn perhaps for the first time to navigate these situations without alcohol. Most drinkers will be far too worried about getting their own glass topped up to worry about what’s in yours.
As humans we all have a propensity to fear change, and yet we know that change is a constant in our lives. Everything that we have ever done and achieved had to be done from a point of unknowing. And yet we did, and we achieved.
If you have anxiety …
This means that you know with absolute certainty that you are highly capable of doing things today that you have not done before. It doesn’t matter particularly whether there is anxiety or uncertainty attached to doing something, what matters is that you do it.
There is one certain way to fail at doing something and that is to not do it at all. You have the choice to stay on the burning shore, and live in the grip of the con artist, or you can step out tentatively and do something you’ve never done before.
You may argue that you have given up alcohol before. This time you know that you are not giving up anything. When you are in my world, you are working through my transformative Legacy Process. This is the intelligent woman’s method for transformational change with no willpower required!
You are saying goodbye to the most toxic and poisonous psychological relationship that you’ve ever had.
All you need to do is be quietly assertive when the subconscious child tries to help you by suggesting that the best thing to do is to have a drink. When you say goodbye to the con artist, you’ll be reminding that child calmly and confidently that isn’t what you do any more.
You’re about to do something amazing and it will be amongst the best, if not the best thing that you have ever done. You may not know it yet. But you soon will.
The Social Secret is your birth right, and if you would like to book a call with me maybe we can start to write it into your life story.
Hi, I'm Michela
I’m a leader in the science of transformational freedom for women, and someone previously addicted to alcohol. I have walked the path. I understand your concerns and fears. Here you will find some of my thoughts and insights. Happy browsing!
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